I imagine that you might have taken a look at the title of this article and then did a double take at the author to make sure it was correct. Some may think it unusual for a former Army armored cavalry officer and police captain with more than two decades of police work in our fair city to write an article about love. Well, you may be right, but hang with me.

Every day, Sacramento police officers respond to situations where frustration transforms to an overwhelming feeling that results in a negative outcome. I’ve seen firsthand how frustration can escalate situations, strain relationships, morph to rage, induce extreme depression and generally push people to do things that they otherwise would never consider. Frustration is a universal and natural feeling. Whether it’s dealing with someone cutting us off in traffic, being rude for no discernable reason or encountering the daily grind of small irritations that pile up to be the last straw, we all experience it. But what should we do with that? My suggestion: Let yourself get triggered.

In becoming and remaining police officers here in Sacramento, we do extensive training in de-escalation. Among the first lessons taught are exercises that refine the trainee’s understanding of what frustrates them and personally “triggers” them. Once a police trainee understands themselves well on the very basic level of noticing that feeling of frustration early on, we use that as a tool for them to learn to pivot and “trigger” a trained response instead of a natural, but possibly negative one. I would like to take the opportunity of this article to train all Sacramentans to use frustration as a trigger for default love.

Default love of our fellow humans is an expectation of Sacramento police officers and a value that all of us could endeavor toward to help our collective goal of reducing violence in our community. Now, you won’t catch this old cop hugging everyone. That is not the kind of love I am referring to. What I mean is, no matter how someone is treating you or may have aggrieved you, or the powerful feeling of frustration which you may be rightfully experiencing, let that trigger you into a place where love of our fellow humans guides you to a place of treating them with dignity, respect and empathy.  

Easier said than done. I know; I have teenagers! But here are a few tips that work for me to shift from frustration to love and empathy. 

Pause and Breathe. When frustration hits, take a moment to pause and breathe deeply. This simple action helps you regain composure. Acknowledge Your Emotion. Recognize that you’re feeling frustrated. Admitting this can be empowering and is the first step toward transformation. Empathize with Others. Try to understand the perspectives and feelings of those involved. The old saying, that you never know what battles people are fighting, is a universal truth. Choose Love: Consciously decide to respond with respect, dignity and empathy. This choice can de-escalate situations and promote positive outcomes.

While most of our Sacramento police officers might not use the word love in relation to their daily service, that is exactly what they are out there doing 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Let’s all join them.

Default Love.